Welcome back to another edition of Scarred for Life, where we look at movies that are irredeemable and exist unjustifiably. These movies have you enter a world of pain. Feel free to send me your suggestions along with a short blurb of why this movie affected you in that horrible manner. For those so inclined, feel free to include a picture of a doll with arrows pointing to the body parts where the movie gave you a “bad touch.”
Today's edition was inevitable. Today, we look at the movie that personally scarred me for life. Picking one film was a challenge since I've seen some where there wasn't a hot enough shower to rinse the movie off of me. I would have selected Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror if Madeline Claire Franklin hadn't picked it herself. Another candidate was Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust. Yet, so much has been written about this movie that I wouldn't really be adding anything new, and I love Riz Ortolani's score. Joe D'Amato's necrophilia-themed Beyond the Darkness was almost what I selected, but I did enjoy the creepy performance by Franca Stoppi (Bruno Mattei's The Other Hell) and a decent post-Simonetti Goblin score.
Up to this point the previous films have been genre films, ranging from sci-fi (Cloverfield) to horror (Laid to Rest). This segment marks a first for this series since today's film is a documentary, or at least it tries to pass itself off as one: 1976's The Legend of Bigfoot, directed by Harry Winer and starring Ivan Marx. For this, I have to thank/blame Jared Ciricillo and Jack Estabrook for bringing this film into my life.
The Review
This movie is part of those collection packs that have 50 horror movies for 20 bucks. These collections often feature a wide range of films. For every great movie in the collection like Peter Jackson's Bad Taste and Dario Argento's Deep Red there's a piece of schlock like Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter and Jesse Franco's Oasis of the Zombies. The Legend of Bigfoot may seem out of place for being categorized as a documentary, but it deserves its spot in this bargain bin fodder.
The purpose of documentaries, as far as I can understand, are to present a subject in an objective manner or to serve as a historical record. This film serves as neither. Say what you will about the films of Michael Moore. At least there are moments where Moore allows the subject to speak for itself. This is essentially Ivan Marx engaging in self-indulgence for 70-plus minutes.
The film “chronicles” Marx's expansive search for Bigfoot. He interacts with people and visits various spots, some of which oddly resemble tourist traps. Some of it looks interesting, but its ruined by Marx's droning commentary. With terms like “nay-sayers” and “non-believers” I would have guessed him to be an inspiration for Sander Cohen, the insane artist from Bioshock. While some will find his obsessive language amusing, many will find it grating.
For a prime example of his ego, watch the scene where he runs over a squirrel and films its last living moments, its body flailing and flopping about. Another squirrel approaches it, clearly unsure of what happened to its brethren. Insert Marx's droning speech about how the death of the squirrel reminded him of his own mortality and how Bigfoot could end his life. Its a depressing moment in a movie that is already a drain on the soul.
Then, we get to the big climax of the film. Marx captures what he attempts to pass off as legitimate Bigfoot footage. For a segment that is meant to be candid in nature, its well shot. Marx's enthusiastic, hushed voice during this scene is disturbingly amusing and makes him sound like he's about to have an orgasm. He exclaims its the footage that will prove him right. Yet, its shot pretty far away and its no different than any other Bigfoot footage I've seen. This comes off as fake with people in hairy costumes.
The Verdict
In addition to this being a movie that scarred me for life, its one of the worst documentaries ever made. I would rather sit through Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will or watch Ken Burn's Baseball in its 18 ½ hour entirety in one sitting than sit through the 76 minutes of The Legend of Bigfoot again. It has no academic or historical value like a real documentary. It's just an hour of Ivan Marx and his immense ego. Every time someone watches this movie, Ivan Marx comes back from the dead and runs over another squirrel with his station wagon.
Ultimately, you can chose to see the movies featured in these articles. This time, I am going to go the extra mile to encourage you not to see this movie. Below is a YouTube video with everything you need to know about The Legend of Bigfoot in a minute and a half.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmvsi4mwQ_I
Sources:
- YouTube Video: “Ivan Marx says 'Bigfoot,'” TubbsTattsyrup
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